Sunday, July 18, 2010

The Background

As friends got pregnant and had babies, I watch and participated in the best way I knew how--threw parties, bought adorable little outfits, supported the new moms in anyway I could and loved on their babies like they were my own. Oh, the joy that my friends have experienced has been my joy as well.

Dave and I were teased over and over again when we were going to join the ranks of new parents starting shortly after our wedding in August of 2006. Our standard line has always been, "in 2010." This was the magic date picked out of my overly obsessive planning brain. Back in 2006 when we uttered it for the first time, 2010 meant that Dave will have graduated with his BA, I'll have taught for five years, we'll own a house, and be finished with my continuing educational journey.

It is 2010. Just as I'd pre-planned back as a newlywed, 2010 is the year of having everything "together." We bought the house a little early (Dec. 2008), but he did graduate in April and I graduated with my 2nd MA in June. I'm about to start my sixth year teaching, and I'm pretty good at it. We're stable and things are in order; however, the year is almost half way over and there is no baby.

The questions have changed now from, "when" to "how come you're not having a baby?" There is also this look of pity mixed with contempt that I get when I reply with, "not yet."

Anyway... Being the planner that I am, I made an appointment to see my ObGyn in June of 2009. Without confirmation from anyone but my own deep-seated fear, I just knew that there would be something wrong that would make the dream of my little family happen smoothly. As my new OB went over my history, she casually said, "oh, I see you were diagnosed with PCOS in 2004..." and kept talking about the many trips I've made for issues, etc. I must have looked shocked, because she stopped mid-sentence and stared at me. After asking her to repeat herself, she said, "PCOS."

My limited background of the dx didn't stop me from asking 101 questions and wanting immediate follow-up. That weekend I read everything and anything I could get my hands on and felt deflated and depressed. After emailing the OB several times (gotta love Kaiser's techie system), she referred me to an endocrinologist for further testing and treatment of PCOS.

The endo was a dream and informally the target for "getting pregnant" was set for June 2010. Again, the compulsive planner in me wanted to prepare for this in every possible way. I started taking Metformin for the PCOS in January, stopped taking birth control pill February (endo recommended to start Metformin a full month before stopping the pill to help with some of the PCOS symptoms that would flare up without the pill to help regulate my hormones), began charting my basal temp every morning in March.

The first month off the pill held promise. I had a full, regular period after 29 days. The second month I noticed something was a bit off--my period came after 32 days and only lasted 3 days (I was a 5 day period girl on the pill). In April, it was clear that my ovulation wasn't going to be "normal." I showed no spike in temps, nor any noticeable pattern. After 41 days, I had a bit of brown spotting, followed by one day that appeared to be actual blood but it wasn't even enough to need a light tampon. Since then, there have been no periods...

The endo seeing the end of his "usefulness" has referred me directly to the reproductive endocrinologist...

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