Reality

Let me start this off very clearly. I am blessed to have a job next year. Clearly there are a lot of other teachers and people across the world (including Dave and my dad!) who don't have the opportunity complain about their jobs.

I've know deep down that I wasn't going to be working at Central next year for awhile. I've been trying to prepare myself by thinking about all the positives about leaving, including the main joy of going to the high school level, the possibility of teaching a larger yearbook program, etc... I've even tried telling everyone that it isn't a big deal, but truthfully, it scares me. I like control and the sense of being "in control." This situation doesn't feel like I have any sense of control.

This morning I happened to stop in to see one of our office staff, looked up on his wall and saw the master schedule for next year (who is teaching what, which periods) which he has been working on with the principal. The master schedule fascinates me, so I took a second to look it over and noticed something that made my heart sink into my stomach.

My name was on the schedule, but there were no classes attached to my name. They aren't even planning for me. I then quickly looked for the little square that said yearbook. It was attached to Susannah--she'd do great, but she doesn't want the time committment.

Bummed out, I walked slowly back to my classroom. On the way, I stopped by Susannah's room to tell her that she was listed for Publications, she then told me that Tom (my department chair) had said that maybe Maria (AVID/Spanish) would teach yearbook...

At that point, reality set in. Everyone knows that I'm not going to be at Central, I better get on the bandwagon and figure it out myself.

All day I've been thinking about all the reprocussions of moving sites, changing grade levels, breaking my heart. Stupid things come to mind like, "What will I do with all my Central clothes?" to intensely emotional things that make me cry like, "How should I tell my yearbook kids and will they be okay?"

Worse part? I won't know "for sure" until after May 15th and they really have until end of August to make it final.